Hello there to all of you. I have been experiencing a week of non-days, today in particular. I am unsure if that is even a word, non-day, however that is how I feel. I am so accustomed to achieving things daily to feel fulfilled. In having something to show for the day so that when I lay my head down at the end of the day I achieved something tangible. I would imagine that you have an idea of what I mean. I have noticed though that this sense of achievement always has something to do with an external activity or affecting another party.
I am aware that the movements of planets have effects on all of us, and that there is something shifting in me and those around me, as though we were evolving. Evolving into the next phase of our lives, not relating to a milestone in age or a developmental stage but more into a phase of clarifying what action needs to be taken, if any at all. A more internally direct approach.
There is my struggle, the non-action, the non-days. I would be lying if I said that it is easy to sit and reflect on how I feel about the “no-thingness” of these days and the feelings I am experiencing. I have understood though that I need this time to reflect and grow into what is coming for me. I feel this to be true for many of us. Especially those with a multitude of questions and choices.
Let’s look at the realities globally things are different, tougher perhaps for the majority. I am becoming more and more aware in the conversations I am having with people from all walks of life that the need for internal introspection to bring about that change internally and globally is both necessary and extremely uncomfortable at times.
It’s down to the rockface now so to speak. What is your truth? That is the golden nugget. Is your truth the “crappy circumstances” that rise to the surface like an avalanche when you are already feeling low? Let’s consider that there another way to look at it?
Firstly avoidance is a tactic and a action which will bring more of the same in my experience. It takes more energy than facing the dilemma. Consider acknowledging the reality to yourself as it is right now, tomorrow is always different even though the circumstances are the same. Our outlook can change.
For me personally it’s a time of great reflection however it seems like I have the answers and seem to lack the method and the belief in myself . So that brings the word trust into the equation again. I am aware of what I say to others and how I say it, I have taken to interrupting myself in mid-sentence and have gently noticed that in others too.
However, the sugar coating of our realities is in my opinion the very reason that I now need to reflect on the reality. Can I sit with that which I know cognitively appears to be a huge mountain I need to climb? Can I sit and talk to the fear inside that gets panicky when I don’t have a solution? Is it ok to not have a plan or external satisfaction?
I feel unsure about how or what to do it I do not understand the purpose. Yet I have gone down so many paths before that I was unsure about and found gems along the way, I am sure that you have too.
It feels like the time to act is now to move forward with what I want and what I see, hear, feel, or believe to be true for me. That I am exactly where I am meant to be and so are you. We have that amazing opportunity to go-within and make the changes at the rockface from the heart and live in loving kindness and I believe the rest will flow. It always does. Trust in yourself you’ve got this!
Much love
From my heart to yours.
Marléne
I am pleased to be active again.
Things have been crazy around here for me in a very strange way as though my world was on hold.
I seemed to have built up some resistance to expressing my thoughts for a while until today.
I am always grateful for the gifts I receive from so many sources. I have received a huge amount of knowledge and wisdom from those whom I have interacted with over this period of stillness. This has been the source of the subject of immobilisation.
The word has a few meanings, however for the purposes of this blog I am talking specifically about FEAR. I went to a talk the other evening where we discussed this very topic at length afterward as it is always so relevant for me both personally and in my work.
FEAR has been a reality I have lived with most of my life on some deep level. Yet from a distance it would not appear to be the case. Seeing that FEAR has been my lifelong companion, I can share from personal experience that Fear that if not given the space to be aired, voiced, identified, or physically felt, it cannot be released fully and it will always lurk there in the dark. It will prevent you from ever feeling totally safe, or trusting of yourself or others.
FEAR is often kept in the shadows isn’t it, like the taboo subjects in the old days of sex, religion or politics. We are often afraid to voice our fears. I almost think we as humans believe that if we avoid the emotional feeling of FEAR, it will automatically go away. Unfortunately it does not disappear so easily.
Yes, I would agree that you can definitely overcome fear by pushing yourself through a fear or phobia. What does that create?
Let’s take the example of riding a bicycle. The possibility or should I say, probability of falling is there, if we focus on it, we will fall. Shifting the focus to staying on the bicycle would be easier and more enjoyable than focussing on the falling. That way the fear has no space to breath as it has been replaced.
What about those deep-seated fears? Those that keep you awake at night, are often the subject of the worst nightmares. The one’s that immobilise you and prevent you from moving forward, expanding, starting a relationship, having an opinion, driving home in the dark alone, sleeping with the light off etc. We keep them to ourselves and act irrationally as the FEARS take over our lives. FEAR is in the driver’s seat,
I am currently sitting with one of those right now, a familiar old FEAR of mine, that I can pinpoint right back to my childhood. It was a belief that I inherited from the environment and people in my family who had lost so much in their lives. It almost became a way of life for me too. I am relieved to say that I have managed to identify it now once again, more clearly this time than ever before. I am taking some time out to change that for myself now.
Do you have FEARS that are nameless, invisible to others or perhaps even to yourself? FEARS that you have pushed down firmly in attempts to supress them, yet they reappear time and again.
These are the FEARS that immobilise you, it takes a huge amount of energy to keep them supressed, doesn’t it. FROZEN in time, that means we are stuck there too.
The final survival response that leads us to shutting down physically. It is exhausting we are not able to function at full capacity like this.
My process has mostly taught me to admit these FEARS to myself verbally or in writing, to see, hear, taste, smell and feel them tangibly. It is not an easy process however it is a necessary one. If we don’t identify the FEAR even when it seems ridiculous and totally irrational given our circumstances, we cannot deal with it and release it.
Here are some safe ways I have found that have helped me.
Talk to a compassionate friend or professional whom you trust enough to talk about it. Others often can see the things we are blind to and offer support by hearing us.
Journal or record your voice if it is easier, until you feel you can name the FEARS easily.
Become aware of the shift that is required to release these FEARS within yourself physically. This is a unique experience.
Then and only then can we move into a place of gentle acceptance, knowing the root cause and that you are no longer in danger as you have moved from that space. In some cases, our perceived danger is more real to us than an actual one.
The cathartic journey of finding the release through the process is rewarding as you move into a new place of safety within yourself.
Connecting with others via a process of guided meditation to release your FEARS silently is also helpful for some.
Increasing your own spiritual practise and asking for inner guidance to overcome your FEARS and developing that inner knowingness that creates safety beyond what our mind perceives.
Consider a practise like Yoga or TRE® to create more awareness of the energy flow within you and around you.
Until next time
Much Love
Marléne
This week I have really been chewing on the various definitions of the concept of integrating. I use the word regularly so it intrigued me to look a little further. Here is one definition that seemed the closest to what I want to discuss this week
To make into a whole by bringing all parts together; to unify.
This form of integration has played out for me many times in various manners along my journey throughout my lifetime. However, this week specifically the universe was broadcasting from the rooftops that it is time to integrate with others on a different level than ever before. A deeper more collaborative way than before as a species. This message felt like it was not only for me, hence the sharing.
Let’s consider a simple example, a pizza/pie of your choice, each slice consists of a combination of all the ingredients. Each slice has the potential to look and taste unique though. One slice could be a different size, have some added ingredient, be charred by the fire, have a thicker base and/or be a different temperature. The pizza/pie could be smaller or larger or even a different shape, with a hint of your favourites mixed with tastes that feel foreign and displeasing on their own, however the combination is intriguing and inviting curiosity. Each pizza/pie is unique and when we prepare it, we have the choice to include or exclude as we go along, depending on what suits the occasion. What suits you now and what feels good to share with others, without causing any disharmony all round, nourishing all, even those with particular palates? My slice could be smaller or bigger than yours as that is all that I can manage right now, or perhaps I will skip this one and re-integrate for the next batch?
Then it would stand to reason that in the integration of all the parts with the aim of being unified, also has the potential to be quite spectacular and different each time, not so?
In come the players of the show now, who do you feel you want to share your slices with? Who is that perfect fit for you? The ingredients could be similar only arranged differently, mixed up and integrated into something unique and different as well as adding great value to all. This could be from any aspects of life business, relationships, towns, homes, schools, friends.
Its always very clear to me when things are not working to find a solution, this is deeply ingrained in me, the hard truth is that often I have failed and others have added their ingredients to provide the solutions for them and me. I am so grateful for that special ingredient they have added and generally we all benefit from the integration.
I have made a point to be open to interactions from others and discuss those possibilities with the intention of manifesting a different offering to the world. A collective vision. I do feel that without integrating and sharing the slices I would be isolating myself again, determined to find my own single solution.
Now is the time for me to allow for the integrating and forming bonds with those who share that intention no matter what the pie may look or taste like each time is a unique opportunity to co-create a special offer on the menu.
Here are some ways I have found for useful
- Journaling and expressing my intention as many times as I can, as it changes organically.
- Finding the courage to get myself to share that with others in spaces I feel safe to or feel guided to as well as places that feel like a major stretch for me.
- Understanding that I will come across beautiful special people who may feel differently and that is all about the parts integrating into a whole ultimately.
- Visualising that pizza/pie always and ever changing in size and shape to allow for all the different parts to join or leave at free will.
- Each part contributes and is integral to the whole each time
- Some parts could appear identical however with more curiosity and attention and added ingredients they appear to transform into something completely different
- Menu’s change all the time. The availability of ingredients differ regularly.
- Repeat the process with new understanding and wisdom from the insight gained.
- Share your wisdom with others.
- We learn from our peers continually.
- The acceptance that perhaps those old ways no longer work for me.
We are not islands are we? Let us open the door to the world around us and integrate in a profoundly new way that nourishes us all from deep within. There are always enough slices to share.
I see and respect your unique ingredient adding to the unified whole.
Much love
From my heart to yours.
Marléne
(more…)
Hello again from a humid and rainy coastal day. I must say this week flew by and yet it has simultaneously felt as though there was, and is, a huge pause around me specifically. I am sensing that there are more than a few of us feeling very drained of energy and resources having to deal with more than normal, personally and globally. I have felt quite depleted physically this week and then somehow today that has shifted.
Most of my work is client based and this week has been more around cancellations, personal disappointments on the one hand and on the other planning in the head and collaborating with others on a project we plan to roll out. The emotional cocktail has been excitement, frustration, depletion, anger and I guess a little fear, fear of the unknown as yet again I sail into unchartered waters for me at least, full steam ahead.
I DO love unchartered waters, seriously I mean that, its exciting and thrilling and fearful all at once, exhilarating in fact. I am feeling like the expression is not really conveying the huge, huge feeling I have in my heart of expansion and gratitude at yet again an opportunity to stretch and reach out to others from a grounded space. Yet nothing has materialised as yet, we are in the planning stages remember. Planning is not grounding for me, doing is. Enter the critic in me, she always seems to lurk there in the background somewhere doesn’t she, she has been there as long as I can remember, what if it does not work, what if you fail, blah blah…..!!!!
I listen to music when I plan events and rollouts and when the critic arrives. Music always frees me to express myself either way and this is my interpretation of the lyrics of a playlist I am listening to today. Today, a loving gratitude playlist not a head banging get the anger out one.
“Is it time to relax now I am with you my sweet, sweet child….” My interpretation is that I have a dream and I am feeling separate and misunderstood. Allowing me the freedom to know that I can relax as I am never alone. All the versions of me, my adult, critic, inner child (children) and source are all one without separation. It’s about being open to opportunity from a place of safety, having my eyes open to see and my breath to flow freely. It was truly beautiful and inspirational for me to ground through the music today.
Are you too embarking on some element of change or a project of your own? Are you facing a situation that seems beyond your control to have much or any effect on the outcome? Are you facing resistance?
This little list helps me.
Primarily it’s not always the tried and tested way that works each and every time. It is sailing into unchartered waters as I said above.
- What inspires your creative juices today, this could be different to yesterday? What do you personally require getting the ideas to surface and bear fruit? Is it music, movement, dancing, singing, painting, finding the expert, sleep, meditation, is it drawing the plan?
- What allows you the freedom to relax and connect with all the parts of you to be the resource for you now? Is being in solitude or connecting and exchanging ideas, your mojo?
- What do you need today, right now in this moment? A break perhaps?
- How comfortable are you to express how you may be feeling right in this moment? Even to yourself!
- Are you open to sharing the struggle with those parts of you that would rather scream the limitations, asking them what they need?
- Journal if it feels safer going through this.
- Find that trusted person, YOUR person as a sounding board and support.
- When we work in community with others we have a further reach, energy flows where that focus goes.
- Notice if your choice of words differ, little subtle changes are at times overlooked when there is a shift in energy.
- Subtle changes are the gifts for us to be aware of the internal flow or resistance.
- Keep yourself on track with those gentle loving reminders.
- Value your own contribution to the global mix, we all have a unique role to play on this earth, allow yourself to play yours lovingly.
I feel deeply connected this week in sharing. Thank you for reading thus far.
I am so looking forward to rolling out further with my planning.
Here is the tool that allowed the flow in my thoughts today.
Until we meet again.
Much love and gratitude,
Marléne
