I have sensed a shift related to my past for a while now. It is almost as though some invisible layer is being lifted like a veil to show me the fundamentals of my childhood structure to highlight something essential for me at this very stage of my life; it sounds weird. I know. Perhaps you can relate, take a read.
Over the years, through my inner work to heal and grow, I have often visited my childhood experiences to seek meaning and understanding and express and receive forgiveness energetically.
The driving force within my inner being to heal from the deep sadness, pain, hatred, shame, anger, and possibly more that I have no words for has propelled me forward in many of my life journeys.
It’s with gratitude that I acknowledge that I have always been divinely led and drawn to techniques or practitioners who were able to facilitate this process of healing for me. It is often a struggle to surrender and learn from what was. This is the fundamental reason that I also hold this space for others professionally.
The epiphany I had today while driving is that I am happy to return to my roots within. I have fought these roots for many a year. It is ok to be different, to live my life outside of the norms of society, and this time these choices carry no shame. In saying no to others comes the deep understanding and acceptance that possibly they are not able to be there for me either. I am freeing them and me.
This looked very different for me as a child, I was not allowed to participate in anything, and I was often alone. There was no one there hence the deep emotions I held and tried to drown out over most of my adult life.
I made it my life’s manic mission to go out there and meet people no matter what without ever being aware of what a price I and those who loved me paid for that inner drive to connect at any cost.
One of my many passions is interacting with people and observing my and their reactions within the setting, but now it’s about being alone again—this time by choice. I am not sulking or being forced to. It’s pretty liberating.
With the Festive Season almost here, this is probably the best gift I can give myself. The peace from within me to be me this season. To withdraw lovingly from others during the festivities is ok. Hell, my childhood prepped me for this a long time ago. Thank you, Mom.
What choices are you making for yourself this season?
Much Love over this festive season
From my heart to yours.
Marléne
https://talkingfromtheheart.com/
https://www.selfandmore.co.za/
https://calendly.com/self-and-more-integrative-coaching
Hello. It’s been ages since I last wrote anything. There have been lots of thoughts and ideas tumbling around in my head. I have started many blogs, I even recorded a few sentences, and nothing inspired me enough to write about them. That seems to be a theme in my life now. So many great ideas, and yet they seem to dissolve into nothingness. Which got me inspired again to write this today. No-thing-ness. What does that even mean!?
I looked it up; that’s what we do right when we need to know what something means, relying on a digital source outside of ourselves, bizarre that. These are the meanings that stood out for me from my search.
the quality or state of being nothing: nonexistence, utter insignificance, death, valueless, voi
The question is am I alone in this feeling of No-thing-ness, in this void, this insignificance
Personally, I believe we all arrive at this point at various junctures in our life, those major turning points. It is a place I recognize, it feels familiar and yet different at the same time. I can now in hindsight pinpoint when and identify the events that led up to these periods where I reached the breaking point. I almost always felt so close to the point of giving up as I did not have the strength to continue along the path, or so it seemed, I lacked the energy to push through and make the breakthrough. So close and yet so far. Sometimes I had some divine intervention when I received a second breath and other times I would ignore the intervention and see it as meddling and interfering in my life. I would really give up, destroy or run away from love and relationships, hide from friends, and treat myself with no respect whatsoever. My work always carried me through. As I have moved further along my healing journey these bouts of self-destroying elements became less severe, as I have been able to recognize the need to run or hurt myself and accept the helping hand when it is reached out, it does not make it easier though does it?
If you are feeling this way, I urge you to reach out to others and talk it out, find a professional or trauma practitioner like myself, to hold the space for you while the feelings move through you, write it, draw it, shout it in the wind, sit with it, and know that NOTHING is permanent, including no-thing-ness. That’s the joke our mind plays on us, we truly believe everything is permanent on the subconscious level and struggle our whole lives to accept that it isn’t.
There have been times when my behaviour may have looked as if I was running away from others, or more appropriately put, running away from myself, however, I felt totally in control of my no-thing-ness which always translated into aloneness, sadness, sadistic behaviour, self-loathing, resentment, grief, and isolation. They are synonymous with no-thingness in my opinion. It did not matter I was in control!
Today this no-thing-ness feels like I am preparing to go on a journey, another chosen opportunity, a soul nudge, to release and surrender more than I have already.
Surrender to what is rather than this obsessive need to control or change it out of fear. Fear has had the reigns long enough. A more truthful, heartfelt way to say that would be to finally stop running from me.
How? Well therein lies the opportunity for us all to find the individual creative outlet to do so. I personally am allowing myself the space to be and feel it through today, not to reach out just notice how that feels. Giving myself permission to receive when the gifts of healing present themselves. This is a gift from my soul saying “here you are let’s sit with how you are feeling”, acknowledge, embrace it and then surrender to the healing moment as the feeling becomes the no-thing-ness and releases.
May your journey be one of beauty and surrender. Find the space for yourselves to expand your energy and fill any spaces left open after the release with loving energy before the space can become anything less.
Much Love along your journey
From my heart to yours.
Marléne
https://talkingfromtheheart.com/
https://www.selfandmore.co.za/
https://calendly.com/self-and-more-integrative-coaching
Hello, again beautiful souls.
It is with a light heart and a gentle smile that I sit here typing this blog, knowing that possibly a few of you may wonder after reading it if I have lost the plot completely.
A blog for me is an expression of myself and in this case that I am sharing with you. Allowing my vulnerability to be real and tangible for myself too in this moment.
Have you ever felt , considered, or even dreamed that you are existing in more than one “place”/reality? As babies, we are born into this physical reality and then we get to adorn a cloak based on our parent’s or caregiver’s version of what it is to be a Human Being in the reality that we are born into. It’s a lifelong struggle to work to develop our truth of that reality before we leave this body. Working through the maze to get to live our purpose is why we are here in my opinion. We are provided with lots of assistance along the way when we observe a little more and do a little less.
Perhaps you wore the cloak of one or all of the main Archetypes ( Caroline Myss). ( a Child, a Survivor, a Victim, or a Prostitute)
I know I missed the child part in my life, I never got to play, and I believe one of my lessons here is to have fun. I bought into the victim hook line and sinker until I released her to become the survivor. The prostitute, on the other hand, is an interesting Architype as it suggests trading sexual pleasure or manipulation for pleasure, however, if we allow our minds to think of the broader sense of the word, it is a manipulation of events for our own gain. I am definitely aware of this reality in my actions over my lifetime.
Selling our souls for food, money, recognition, “love”, a roof over our heads – fill in the blanks as per your experience. I will say that these archetypes are not gendered specific, so it applies to us all. What are you selling your soul for? Ironically, we often do this to survive.
We can meditate, take psychedelics, go on pilgrimages or journeys and tick off the list to experience other realities, which all add so much value and provide the space for release and clarity, and therein we become more aware of what our reality really is. There are lots of studies on this subject, research is at our fingertips.
We don’t all have those opportunities or share those beliefs though, yet we too could feel or be uncomfortable that our reality is not what we signed up for, isn’t it? Consider that statement for a moment! Really is that true? Who created your reality, assuming you are not a minor reading this? My rudest awakening was when I realized with huge shock years ago, that I am creating the struggle, the mess, the pain by resisting what is. What are you resisting? Could there be another reality for you? And could it be living with a more open awareness of what is, not the meaning we give it? Does this mean you need to let something go perhaps?
What if those other realities are actually here, right now in our conscious space, but we are not ready yet to acknowledge them yet? Could you consider looking at the state your life is in for a moment, without judgment, and see what else you can see or what you become aware of, like an observer, not a participant? What more can you expand your conscious awareness into seeing as possibilities for yourself? There really are no limits. We put the limits there.
Allow yourself to dream the dream into reality without the aspect of time attached. It is all in divine/organic/energetic timing, not our linear controlled version of time. An example of this would be when we force the outcome of something, according to an expectation of ours and somehow feel deeply dissatisfied afterward deep down, even if outwardly we express a different view.
In conclusion, the message is that there are lots of realities in our daily lives, it’s the path you choose to focus on that becomes the deepest, what if you could walk alongside yourself and observe the steps along the way, how cool would that be? Don’t knock it, it really does work in my world and those I am priviledged to interact with. The reality changes as you observe it and as you let go of the control. It is somehow always perfect. We learn. We are blessed and supported even when we forget to ask.
Much love and light from my heart to yours along the journey.
Have fun!
Marléne
https://talkingfromtheheart.com/
https://www.selfandmore.co.za/
https://calendly.com/self-and-more-integrative-coaching
