I have sensed a shift related to my past for a while now. It is almost as though some invisible layer is being lifted like a veil to show me the fundamentals of my childhood structure to highlight something essential for me at this very stage of my life; it sounds weird. I know. Perhaps you can relate, take a read.
Over the years, through my inner work to heal and grow, I have often visited my childhood experiences to seek meaning and understanding and express and receive forgiveness energetically.
The driving force within my inner being to heal from the deep sadness, pain, hatred, shame, anger, and possibly more that I have no words for has propelled me forward in many of my life journeys.
It’s with gratitude that I acknowledge that I have always been divinely led and drawn to techniques or practitioners who were able to facilitate this process of healing for me. It is often a struggle to surrender and learn from what was. This is the fundamental reason that I also hold this space for others professionally.
The epiphany I had today while driving is that I am happy to return to my roots within. I have fought these roots for many a year. It is ok to be different, to live my life outside of the norms of society, and this time these choices carry no shame. In saying no to others comes the deep understanding and acceptance that possibly they are not able to be there for me either. I am freeing them and me.
This looked very different for me as a child, I was not allowed to participate in anything, and I was often alone. There was no one there hence the deep emotions I held and tried to drown out over most of my adult life.
I made it my life’s manic mission to go out there and meet people no matter what without ever being aware of what a price I and those who loved me paid for that inner drive to connect at any cost.
One of my many passions is interacting with people and observing my and their reactions within the setting, but now it’s about being alone again—this time by choice. I am not sulking or being forced to. It’s pretty liberating.
With the Festive Season almost here, this is probably the best gift I can give myself. The peace from within me to be me this season. To withdraw lovingly from others during the festivities is ok. Hell, my childhood prepped me for this a long time ago. Thank you, Mom.
What choices are you making for yourself this season?
Much Love over this festive season
From my heart to yours.